The lockdown was a unique situation where fathers and mothers were forced to renegotiate their parenting roles due to the pressure brought on by the pandemic, with fathers getting a crash course in the work-family life juggle. An UK Government study found that British fathers did 58% more childcare during lockdown than they would normally do. But the results of that study cannot be extrapolated to Indian fathers because we operate in a different social and cultural milieu—Indian mothers often complain about having to shoulder the lion’s share of childcare responsibilities, if not all of it.
Did Indian fathers step up and share in child-care responsibilities during the lockdown period?
The best way to find an accurate answer to such a question is by conducting a survey. I polled 80 Indian mothers living in nuclear families across 6 countries (India, USA, Singapore, Hong Kong, Dubai and Australia) to understand the role played by Indian fathers during the lockdown period.
83% Indian mothers said that their husbands spent more time with their children during lockdown. This was especially true of women whose husbands are in jobs that require travel. One of the respondents said, “As my husband used to come only for weekends, he got very less time to spend with the children. But this lockdown period gave him and the children opportunity to enjoy and also understand each other.”
However, the more pertinent question is: Did spending time with children also translate into greater sharing of responsibilities? Women concurred that husbands did share much more responsibilities than before. 71% of mothers said that their husbands were more hands-on with sharing childcare responsibilities during the lockdown, while 11% said that their husbands were involved in taking care of the children even before lockdown. However, 18% of mothers said that fathers did not step and take up increased child-care responsibilities during the lockdown.
Mothers said that fathers shared the responsibility of home-based learning (44%) and playing with the children (42%). 40% mothers also said that fathers helped in caretaking of the children, in terms of bathing, dressing, feeding the kids, etc. Some mothers said that fathers also cooked for the kids, or helped with household chores when the mother needed to be with the kids, or had to attend to her own office-work.
Indian men often get a bad rap for shirking childcare responsibilities, though most Indian women do acknowledge that men today are far more hands-on than men from previous generations. Yet the findings of this survey are significant since it shows that given greater flexibility to spend time at home, fathers dramatically increase their contribution to childcare.
Given the results, companies need to reflect on how work is structured so that male employees with children can also share childcare responsibilities with their partners. With many Indian men working in private companies, their inability to give time to their children seems to be a reflection of the extreme demands of time that their jobs require from them.
The most optimistic finding in the survey was the change in attitude that women reported in their husbands regarding the inordinate share of childcare responsibilities on their shoulders. In response to the question, “Does your husband show greater appreciation for the work you do in managing your children all day, now that he has observed it from close quarters?” 56% mothers responded that husbands were much more appreciative than before. One mother said, “He has started to understand the huge amount of work that goes behind the scene of a neat home and good food prepared in the kitchen.”
This attitudinal change is important because a more empathetic husband is much more likely to share greater childcare responsibilities, even after the lockdown opens. So far, fatherhood has been more about joining/”helping” the mother, rather than taking equal responsibility in sharing childcare. For any enduring social change to occur, there must be a fundamental reframing of how men perceive their own role as fathers.
And finally, the outcome that matters the most—”Has your husband’s presence at home changed his relationship with your child? “ 56% mothers said that the lockdown has improved the father-child bond. Mothers reported fathers now understood their children’s routines and emotional needs better and had more time to engage in play, reading bedtime stories and having meaningful conversations with them.
One of the mothers said, “My daughter was a little afraid of her father and was a mumma’s girl, but now she is more attached to her father. Now she says, “I love you both equally.”
Another mother said, “Children get to see him more, so they are more willing to share their thoughts with Dad.”
Being able to see their daddies more has also made children appreciate their fathers . One of the respondents said, “Kids have become more conscious about the hard work that their father puts in for livelihood.”
Despite the utter misery that the pandemic unleashed on the world, the strengthening of the bond between fathers and their children could be the biggest win of lockdown. Not only did fathers get a chance to be more involved, but children also developed a much deeper appreciation for their daddies. The time spent together has allowed to form deeper emotional bonds. As one of the mothers said, “For the first time, we have had so much time to spend as a family. We are not running after work, errands and activities. It has given all of us a huge perspective on how valuable our time together is. We have truly loved this time together.”
Though the pandemic created “team parenting,” the question remains whether the shift will last beyond the lockdown. COVID-19 has demonstrated that there can be more equal sharing of household responsibilities (without the workplace falling apart)—in that case, it presents solid evidence for the argument that workplaces need to be less rigid.
For fathers to be able to continue spending more time with their children even after lockdown, companies would need to overhaul the structure of work—reducing the time spent commuting to and from work, working remotely more often, having some upper limit on number of days of travel per month, and cutting a few hours from their working week. It is time to end workplace discrimination against involved fatherhood, so that dads can spend time with their children and build enduring bonds with them.
COVID-19 was like a forced natural experiment which showed that involved fathering has a range of benefits—from more equal sharing of responsibilities to better bonding between fathers and their children. More involved parenting from the father is the foundation for more harmonious homes. And what can be a better foundation for an evolved society than a harmonious home?
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